Before the Funeral
by HylloWrites
Summary: Elsa decides not to go to her parents funeral, but reflects on her life.


Before the Funeral

Elsa decided that she wanted to style her own hair that day, mostly because she couldn't bear to see anyone if she didn't have to.

Of course, she would have to see people soon. A minister, the people of Arendelle, close friends and family. And then there was her sister. She would have to see her too.

Although Elsa saw Anna around the halls and at meals occasionally, she literally had not spoken to her since she was around 8, when she told her to go away. It was a snowy day and Anna wanted to build a snowman but Elsa told her to go away. She bowed her head, flushing red with disbelief at her own actions. She reminded herself, she was just a child, and to shut Anna out would be better for everyone. Still, hurting Anna hurt Elsa.

Anna would always come and sing to Elsa, but she hasn't done that for years. Elsa thought her little sister had the prettiest voice and was so creative; she made the loveliest songs. She missed her voice and wondered what it would sound like today? Sad, probably. Hoarse, maybe. Perhaps she wouldn't even be able to speak, but to only sob? Elsa, too, was still feeling morose after the death of their parents.

The people and princesses had only received word of their deaths at seas two days ago. Elsa had begged them not to go to that wedding across the sea, but they had insisted that she would be fine. Why hadn't she thought about whether or not they would be fine? Stupid, selfish girl! Elsa's hands flew to her head in a fit of angst, and she pulled some strands of hair from the bun she had worked so hard on. She had only thought of herself, and how frustrating it would be if she froze her room or a servant slipped on some ice she may have accidentally created in the hallway, but not of her parents dying at sea! The possibility of it happening was always all too real, but never considered! And now they are gone, and all Elsa thought about was herself.

She slammed her fist against the wall and felt ice spread out across it, quickly. The ice followed no pattern and stuck out sharply from the wall. Elsa examined it carefully before coming to the realisation that she was out of control again. She breathed in deeply, counted to ten, smoothed out her dress. It was a simple black mourning dress.

Then there was a knock on the door. "Princess Elsa?" A voice called in. Deep and warm, it was Marian. "Are you okay, my lady?"

Elsa glanced at the ice she had created. It took up about half the space on that wall, originating at the centre. It had spread much quicker than she had thought. "I'm fine, Marian," she lied through the door.

There was silence but Elsa knew Marian was still out there. Finally she asked, "Will you be coming to the funeral today?"

Elsa looked down at her dress, smoothed and as black as the night. Then she looked to the ice, sharp and as clear as the day. Finally she looked at the door, which was only rarely opened. Today she decided it would not be opened.

"No," she finally replied. "Go on without me."

She did not hear footsteps leaving the door and instead of simply accepting Elsa's answer, Marian decided to answer. "But, my lady, you par-"

"I'll visit them another time," she interrupted. Would she? Now that she has said it, Marian would hold it to her. That's not a bad thing, she supposed. Elsa was disappointed in herself and her selfish ways, and her punishment would be not going to the funeral. However, she would have to see them eventually. Definitely. "Tomorrow evening, maybe," she continued.

Marian sighed so loudly that Elsa could hear it through her thick door. Disappointment hung heavy in the lengthy breath. "As you wish, princess." Finally, Elsa heard footsteps retreating from the door and hurrying down the hallway.

She stepped backwards and let herself fall onto her bed. She started up at the white ceiling and it reminded her of snow. She wished she could paint it, and paint her whole room! She saw too much white and blue, the colours of winter. Some warm colours would do nicely here; maybe being in an environment reminiscent of summer would remove her curse. She didn't count on it.

She felt scared, suddenly. She would have to live with the curse for the rest of her life, without her parents. Her breathing quickened when she realised that in three years, she would be crowned as the queen of Arendelle. How would she be able to control a whole kingdom when she could not control her curse? She raised her arms ahead of her and examined her gloves. She would need a thicker pair if the ice was able to seep through them. Heat rolled down her face. It was a tear, she knew. The warm tears continued to roll down her face and she curled herself up on the bed. She felt very cold, as she usually did when she was particularly anxious. She held her knees against her chest tightly, trying to keep herself warm. She stayed like this for a while, and soon fell asleep…

…And was awoken by a knocking on the door. Elsa bolted up immediately and sat upright on her bed. She listened closely to the door and heard a soft voice that she did not recognize at first in her groggy state.

"Elsa?" It chirped, sad but sweet. "Please, I know you're in there."

She leaped from the bed and stood in front of the door. "Anna?" she breathed. Of course it was Anna, everyone else would address her as princess, and not many people bothered to visit her. She stepped towards the door.

"People are asking where you've been," she sang. Yes, she was singing again with her beautiful and melancholy voice. "They say have courage and I'm trying to. I'm right out here for you, just let me in!"

Her voice was so low; Elsa could only just hear her. Immediately, she stepped towards the door. She was going to let her sister in, finally. She placed her hand on the handle and as Anna sang, "we only have each other, it's just you and me," the door and its handle turned to ice. The ice spread far and wide, across every wall in Elsa's room. Tears once again ran down her cheeks; the warmth was strangely comforting. Elsa turned around and leaned against the wall, let herself fall down to the ground. She stared out of the window ahead of her, into the grey and cloudy sky.

"Oh, what are we going to do?" Anna asked through the door. Elsa didn't know, couldn't tell her. She was 18, legally able to take care of the 15 year old. But she wouldn't. It wouldn't be safe, and Elsa had no idea on how to look after someone. She could barely look after herself! The servants would raise her. Elsa wished that Anna would forget that she had an older sister. Elsa wanted her to live a happy life in the sun, to play and learn and generally be a joyous girl. But her parents were dead and her only remaining family member would not speak to her. Ever. And she didn't know why.

Elsa's head lolled back and hit the door softly. Tears formed a stream down her cheeks, and every tear seemed to follow this wet little path.

Finally, Anna sand through the door, "Do you want to build a snowman?"

Elsa shook her head quickly and felt tears fall away from the path the rest had followed. Of course she wanted to build a snowman, like they always did. Elsa knew this would not happen, however. She thought to herself, _we'll never build a snowman together ever again._


End file.
